Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My cat gives me a boner
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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