I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
