Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
