I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
