there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
