Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
