someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
