The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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