Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
