i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
