Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
