Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
