I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
