Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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