Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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