Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
