I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
