saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
