The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
