i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
