OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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