just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
