East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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