If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
