around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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