Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
