I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
