I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
