Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
