u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
one might say we're banned from that church
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
