this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
