I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
