Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
