She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did I show you my penis last night?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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