I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
