I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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