so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
