he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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