you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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