i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
