Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
