ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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