just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
