he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
