Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
