She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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