My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
