just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
