She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
