i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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