my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
